Advent: Joy in Sadness

Is joy the antidote to sadness? Is it something we fake in our sadness in hopes that someday we will experience some type of joy? I grew up in a church culture where fake it until you make it was a theme as if joy was something you wished or pretended into existence. It’s a bit strange looking back on it, but I also see the many ways that way of thinking still holds influence in my life. When I’m confronted with suffering, pain or loss my first reaction often is to pretend to be strong! Does anyone else wrestle with imposter syndrome running on the adrenaline of a “fake it until you make it” way of life and anxious that people will see through the pretending and see the “real you?” 

Many things in our life condition us to avoid suffering and pain. We’re very uncomfortable with it and often don’t know what to do with it and the emotions that accompany it. We’ve learned this as we’ve experienced painful things and everyone around us anxiously tries to fix the problem and take away the pain. We learn that pain is not ok, and should be avoided at all costs. Very few people possess the ability to attend to their own pain and attend to the pain of those around us. We learn early on to fake it until we make it and when we experience deeply painful things we pretend like it isn’t happening, or that we aren’t hurt, sad, ashamed or whatever other emotions we may feel in light of the pain. 

The Advent season often amplifies this for me. God embodied in the person of Jesus is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? His incarnation is the Advent of hope, joy, peace, and love. What do we do when we don’t feel hope, joy, peace, and love though? What do we do when the season that honors one of the most beautiful things that has ever happened brings with it deep pains? We feel the wounds, we’re reminded of the scars with every empty chair at the Christmas dinner table. We feel the wounds, we’re reminded of the scars with every trigger that reminds us of the brokenness of our childhood at the family Christmas gatherings or lack thereof! We feel the wounds, we’re reminded of the scar with every picture, every ornament, and every relic reminding us of the loss we’ve endured through miscarriage and death that always feels like it came too soon! How do we engage in the mystery of the season, the wonder of the incarnation, and the magic connected to it all when we still find ourselves in so much pain through loss, chronic illness, or relationships that remain broken? 

For me, this season brings with it a flood of painful memories and is full of many reminders of the brokenness we experience day in and day out. For many years I pretended to be stronger than I was, to be cheerful and filled with joy to distract myself and those around me from the deep sadness that the holidays bring. This dynamic is often confusing to me. Am I alone in this? True hope, true joy, and true peace aren’t found in pretending that things are okay when they are not and pretending to be something that I’m not.

Joy doesn’t come through the absence of sadness but in the midst of it. When Jesus entered the world it was deeply broken, but that brokenness was the reason for which He came! The brokenness of the world in some ways contributes to the beauty of His birth. The real beauty of Advent is that God entered into the brokenness of the world and entered into the pain that comes from this brokenness. He showed up. He took on flesh. His presence entered the world! 

Jesus didn’t enter the world as an innocent baby ignoring the pain and suffering of a fallen world or inviting us to ignore it either! He entered the world to be present with us in it. He came to confront it honestly, to engage in it humbly, and to speak truth and hope in the face of it! Sometimes the snippets of stories we get in scripture can seem to mitigate the deep pain associated with the stories of those encountering Jesus. We elevate the miracle sometimes out of our discomfort or pain in a way that doesn’t acknowledge the presence Jesus brings as he enters into and attends to the painful realities of their lives. 

I’m reminded of scriptures like Psalm 34:18 which says that “God is near to the brokenhearted.” God is sovereign and every present. Does Psalm 34:18 literally mean that He is nearer in our moments of brokenheartedness? May I submit that pain, suffering, and brokenheartedness often invite us into a greater awareness of His presence? Where does joy enter the picture amidst the deep broken realities and pain of life? Psalm 16:11 says that in God’s “presence there is fullness of joy.”  Joy isn’t found simply in the absence of sadness, it’s found in the presence of God. I’ve found that in my life that in my sadness, in my pain, in my brokenheartedness my awareness of God’s presence grows, and with it so does my joy. How or why this happens remains a mystery to me!

Advent honors and highlights the coming of Jesus. His entering the brokenness of fallen humanity being forsaken by God so that you and I would never have to be. Beauty was broken so that the broken could once again be made beautiful! Jesus is no stranger to pain and invites us into the fellowship of His sufferings through our sufferings. How might you receive this invitation to comfort and joy in His presence in your moments of pain, suffering, and sadness this season? 

During this Advent season may you be reminded that you are seen by God, heard by God, known by God, loved by God, and held by God at this very moment! One of the things that has often brought me deep joy in sadness is imagining that I am held by God. What would it look like for you to be held by God in your pain and suffering? Spend a minute, right now considering and imagining what that could and would look like if Jesus incarnate was standing in front of you or sitting next to you and holding you. Return to this place of being held by God, again and again, this holiday season. 

May your joy not be found in the absence of sadness but in the midst of it, knowing, feeling, and resting in the reality that God is with you!

Submitted By: Matt Korte